Adultery is no longer the consequence of bad marriages or bad people. It is the choice of many–too many–who fail to properly understand the responsibility of commitment and fidelity in a marriage. It is the choice of people who fail to understand the sacredness of sex and the sacred bonds between husband and wife. It is a silent killer in our community. The Final Call newspaper wants to lift the veil on infidelity and provide guidance in a four-part series as a medicine to remedy this social ill.
WASHINGTON (FinalCall.com) – Calvin “Sonny” Rollinson* has a very common story to tell about infidelity. Change his name and the story remains the same. Access and opportunity lured him away from his wife, like crack calling for the next addict.
He had access to women because, as a car salesman, he was always talking and charming his way to a sale. “It was crazy. I remember how easy it was for me to have access to a broad range of women without social morals or norms to block me from them. It was open season,” said Mr. Rollinson.
What he didn’t realize was that open season was leading him to a life of crime–the crime of adultery is the culmination of many crimes. The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan has explained that adultery requires participants to lie, steal, cheat and murder. Men and women lie to cover up the crime; cheat to get someone they are not entitled to; steal the time, money and affections of someone else’s spouse; and, when things get too hot and heavy, murder the love of the unfaithful partner for their unsuspecting spouse.
The voice of God is also murdered when the conscience rears to say, “This is wrong.”
According to Dr. Shirley Glass, one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity, 25 percent of women and 44 percent of men have had at least one affair outside of their marriage.
This moral lapse is what Dr. Rozario Slack, director of Urban Initiatives and Fathering Programs at First Things First in Chattanooga, Tenn., calls the number one cause of divorce in the Black community. Adultery is ruining more marriages than we know, he told The Final Call.
“I never knew a man who only had one woman. It’s a deeply rooted pathology that goes back to slavery when we were just studs,” Mr. Rollinson explained. “I grew up with men who said to their wives, ‘I’m paying the bills, the refrigerator is full and the mortgage is paid, so stay out of my business. As long as I don’t shame you by bringing her around, it doesn’t matter.'”
But it did matter.
Mrs. Diane Rollinson found out about her husband’s philandering from friends. She took him back the first time and the second time, but after three strikes, he was out.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Mrs. Rollinson. “Not my husband, he loves me. He loves our children. How could this happen?”
It happened because love had little to do with it. Studies show that men can love their wives and children, yet still commit adultery. In their minds, one has nothing to do with the other.
Mr. Rollinson would love nothing better than to get back with his wife. He wants to grow old with her and help raise their grandchildren, but she’s not having it.
“I look at all I’ve lost because of it. The wages of sin is death. It’s not so much a physical death, but the death of my ability to be with my family and our future together as a family.
“We become so selfish and focused on self-gratification that we hurt the very ones who came into our lives to love us,” he continued. “I’ll tell any man, ‘don’t do it.’ The momentary joy and happiness is not worth the consequences. The fabric of trust, openness and honesty that you weave in your relationship becomes frayed to a threadbare status.
“What goes around comes around. You can’t escape the universal law of justice,” he concluded.
–Nisa Islam Muhammad
* Name has been changed